The Truth about Valentine’s Day for Couples

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Robert and I are not the most romantic folks.

Sure, we occasionally grope each other in public (Actually, Robert says I have to stop doing that,) and tell each other “I love you,” but Valentine’s Day has never been a huge deal to us.

As we approach our third year together, our plans have become increasingly low-key. Instead of extravagant gifts, we give each other smaller tokens of affection.

Last year, I bestowed upon Robert a 3 lb bag of pistachios. Despite it mostly being an excuse for me to make a joke about salty nuts, he was ecstatic and enjoyed them immensely.

Robert spent hours painstakingly creating a bouquet of tissue paper flowers with Ferrero Rocher chocolates at the center for me. He poured his heart into folding each delicate petal, and showed me that the only flowers that really matter are the ones made out of chocolate.

This year we plan to work on our kitchen and reward ourselves with Papa John’s pizza with extra garlic sauce.

Our lack of elaborate plans does not mean we don’t love each other. We just aren’t fancy people, we are on a budget, and we friggin’ love pizza.

1. Expensive Jewelry

All the jewelry stores would have you believe that if a man doesn’t practically gild his lady friend, he clearly doesn’t love her.

Seeing how I can barely keep track of my hair tie, let alone diamonds, the amount of bling bling I receive is not how I gauge Robert’s love for me.

Jewelry is a lovely gift, but it doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate to express how much someone cares.

Out of all the gifts Robert has given me, a pair of handmade earrings he crafted out of Bahamian pennies from a cruise we went on together is dearest to my heart. I know how much time, concentration and cussing went into making them.

Just imagining him hunched over his desk trying to bend tiny wires with his giant man-hands brings a smile to my face.

So keep your strange “chocolate” diamonds, Kay Jewelers. I prefer to not lose a tooth when I eat my dessert.

2. Fancy Dinners

I am all for eating a delicious meal together, but restaurants on Valentine’s Day stress me out. Between making reservations two months in advance, vying for a parking spot, or shelling out for jacked up menu prices, I would much rather get dolled up to eat pizza on my couch and save the fancy dinner for another day.

Robert and I both tend to get a little “hangry,” so competing with the rest of Nashville for our dinner would probably just end in tears.

Instead of checking out the hottest new bistro in town on Valentine’s Day, why not make a reservation for a random Tuesday night, when you need to add a little excitement to your work week.

Then you won’t spend the beginning of your evening licking sugar packets to keep from fainting while you wait for you over-worked server to finally take your order.

But if you do brave public dining, I suggest packing snacks.

3. Sexpectations

Personally, I’d rather not roll around on a bed of roses.

I don’t want to be pulling petals out of my Netherlands for days, nor do I feel like cleaning up all that mess.

Unrealistically high expectations for your magical night of romance, puts a lot of pressure on both of you to make it perfect.

Having an unbridled evening of passion is wonderful, but trying to force some fantasy out of a Nicholas Sparks book instead of giving in to your natural instincts will most likely end in awkwardness.

So go ahead and get adventurous if you feel like it, but don’t let the effort of flawlessly recreating a scene from 50 Shades of Grey prevent you from enjoying yourself and your partner.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets whipped cream in their eye.

4. It’s Only For Couples

If I had a dime for every Snapchat I have received from my gorgeous, intelligent single friends of them flipping off the Valentine’s Day aisle at Kroger, or eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s with some variation of the caption, “Me and bae,” I would put all those dimes in a sock and beat them with it for their lack of creativity and poor grammar.

As someone who spent 22 years of my life without a valentine who wasn’t my mother, I call B.S. and urge women of the world to unite and celebrate their friendships, family and personal accomplishments.

This year, my ladies and I will be observing Galentine’s Day on February 13th with a romantic dinner for six.

I am thankful for the fabulous friends who keep my life exciting and accept me even when I make them cringe at my inappropriate jokes.

Whether you are in a relationship or single, the true meaning of Valentine’s Day is celebrating the love in your life, no matter what kind.

That, and seeing how much chocolate you can eat without barfing.

5. The One Day A Year To Celebrate Love

I don’t need an obese baby with wings reminding me to tell Robert he’s got a booty that just won’t quit, and that I appreciate all he does for me.

Valentine’s Day is a wonderful excuse to show your main squeeze how much you love them, but it doesn’t mean you should only do that once a year.

Maybe the red lingerie could make an appearance on an insignificant Wednesday evening, or you could prepare a candlelit dinner to celebrate your 147 week anniversary.

Treat every day like Valentine’s Day, and let them know you care, even if you haven’t been shot by the tiny arrows of an airborne toddler.

SHACKED UP SPECIAL OFFER

Want to celebrate like me?

Since I’m a Papa John’s VIP (meaning I gave them my email address,) I get some pretty exclusive deals.

You’re welcome.